Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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