I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
