Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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