I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize