Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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