is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
