got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize