I got chris browned last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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