I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
