I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
