Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you traded sex for a burrito?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
