You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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