remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
