He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
