My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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