Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
