So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
