He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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