did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
