peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
