I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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