ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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