I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
