Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
