Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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