I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
