We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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