So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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