You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
