Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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