Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
