There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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