When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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