I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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