he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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