DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
