i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize