ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
