You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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