I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
