My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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