oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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