I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
