and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
