I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
