flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
