Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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