i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
