glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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