i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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