Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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