He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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