So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize