Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
