that's an acceptable place to lick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
