Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
