Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
