my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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