My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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