The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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