It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
