I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
