At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
