And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
