Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
