It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
