it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
