Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
