A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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