The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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