the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
