So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bet he comes in French.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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