you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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