I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize