I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
