This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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