**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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