Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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