i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
