spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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