Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
