It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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