This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
