I wanna bring you to show and tell
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
