I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
