now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
