At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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