dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
