Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
