A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
