That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
