Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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