You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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