"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize