but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
