why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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