I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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