Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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