Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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