A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
