why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
