I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
