i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
