"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize