Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please come you make the beer taste better
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
