This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
