I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm passing your future prison.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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