yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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