It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
