stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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