Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize