Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
