And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
