After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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