I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Shame - the story of my life.
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