My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize