my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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